Unless you are new to the Jewish dating scene or have been living in a bubble, chances are your next date won’t be your first. Unfortunately you may be reading this as you haven’t yet found your soulmate, but don’t worry our Simantov International matchmaking team have some top dating tips this Hanukkah for you – a gift from us to you.
As the lights of Hanukkah are casting their glow on you, time has come to let us help you perform your own little miracle, finding your true love. So here’s our gift to you: 8 tips which could help you put the right foot forward in finding your special someone this holiday season
1- Reflect on your past experiences: before you agree to your next date, think of what has been wrong with your dating experience so far. Be as honest with yourself as possible. Don’t systematically place the blame on others and remember that you will never be able to change anyone but yourself. Here are a few questions you could ask yourself: are my criteria right? Am I mistaken about what I truly want in a partner? Am I offering as much as I am demanding? Do I give people the same chance I would like them to give me? Answering these questions will help you approach your next date with a new mindset.
2- Do your homework: if your date has not been set up by your favorite Jewish matchmaker, make sure you connect with him/her before meeting in person. Talk on the phone to make sure you have something in common. This way you will avoid wasting your time and risking another predictable bad experience. Good news for the lucky Jewish singles who wisely hired the services of a matchmaker: homework is already done!
3- Be light-hearted: even if you are looking for a life partner, do not put too much pressure on yourself or your date in the beginning stages of your budding relationship. The best way to approach a date is to go thinking that you might make a new friend in the process. Almost no one can pass the “could I spend my life with this person?” test if the judgment has to be passed over a single dinner. It takes time to know someone and nobody is perfect. If you had a good time with your date, give him/her a chance even if all your mental boxes have not been ticked.
4- Be truthful: first because nobody likes being lied to. Second because the consequences of the lies we tell are often far worse than the truth we are trying to hide. Remember that the person you are dating today may end up being the one you’ll want to spend your life with. If that is the case, he/she will necessarily find out the truth about your age, your children, your income etc. Believe us, finding out that someone is older AND a liar is far worse than just finding out how old they are. Trust is the foundation of a sound relationship. Don’t ruin it before you even start.
5- Be respectful: you are looking for a partner and you want the best. While it is natural to think that you deserve that best -you do- it is always good to remember that the world does not revolve around you more than it does around your date. With the understanding that you are both equally deserving of attention, try not to be late, too demanding, too self-centered etc. Treat you date as you want to be treated. No less respectfully.
6- Open your mind: like many other Jewish singles, you have probably made a list of all the “must haves” of your future partner. And you won’t budge from that even though it may mean that you will miss meeting some very interesting people. Think of which of your criteria are rock solid and which ones you would be willing to compromise on. Maybe education level is not that important after all as long as the person is cultured and well-read? Maybe eye color does not matter as long as the gaze is kind? And maybe relocating could work for your -or your partner’s- benefit after all?
7- Listen: being a good listener is essential in any relationship. And it is the key to a good start. You already know a lot about yourself, what you want at this stage is to learn as much as you can about your date. It doesn’t mean to have to ask dozens of questions to see if all your requirements are met. On the contrary. Listening means letting your date take the conversation wherever they want. That in itself will tell you a lot. And don’t worry about not being able to get your time in the limelight: if the relationship is starting on the right foot, your date will be interested in learning about you too.
8- Observe: words say a lot. But other less conscious behaviours say even more. Body language and the way we behave with people we are not trying to charm – servers in restaurants, taxi drivers, etc – are very revealing. Is your date delightful with you but contemptuous of other people? Is he/she always in a good mood with you but impatient with others? Is he/she generous with you but seemingly stingy with the rest of the world? Any discrepancy you notice -and dislike- about your date’s behaviour should alarm you, as you could very well end up being on the receiving end of it in the future. If, on the other hand, the behaviour is consistent, you probably got someone you can trust.
If you would like to have an exploratory chat with a macthmaker at Simantov International about what we do in the way of providing dating advice, introducing singles in the global Jewish community or coaching those looking to put the right foot forward to get date ready we would love to hear from you. Simply email firstname.lastname@example.org in order to book a complimentary 30 minutes this Hanukkah, our gift from Simantov to you.