Coaching with Simantov: Jose Weber

Dating is a game people have been playing for a very long time. Unfortunately, thanks to constantly changing rules, the skills necessary to be a “successful dater” have not yet managed to make it into our DNA. And because these skills don’t come naturally, we often have to hone them if we want to increase our chances of ever wooing our dream partner.

Many of our clients come to us after spending much time online, browsing profiles, gathering telephone numbers and email addresses, and going out on dates that led nowhere. When they first contact us, they are often frustrated and ready to make changes — in the hope of finally achieving their goal of meeting a life partner. One of our roles is to help them make those changes and to accompany them throughout the process. Sometimes that support requires “coaching” either by one of our matchmakers or by one of the professional coaches who work with us.

When coaching is suggested to clients, the first reaction is sometimes rejection, something along the line of “I’m not crazy! I don’t need therapy.” No need to worry though: we know you are not crazy. Coaching is not therapy. Simply put, coaching consists in providing an outside eye, a third party point of view. A coach is not a psychotherapist. His/her role is to help identify your goals and to assist you in finding new ways to reach them. According to Jose Weber, our head matchmaker, almost everyone could benefit from a measure of coaching. If for nothing else to understand the matchmaking process itself. “We all make mistakes”, he says, “That’s normal, that’s life”.

Frequently Mr. Weber will have to help clients break with bad habits acquired during their online dating days. Improving the clients’ awareness and ultimately helping them find new and better ways of approaching dates may require coaching.

For example, some clients insist on seeing pictures of the candidates before they agree to meet them. That, according to Jose Weber, is counterproductive and it is simply not done at Simantov. “I understand our clients’ desire to only meet people they find attractive. But a picture says very little about someone. Pictures can lie in many ways: they can be doctored, they can show a younger version of the person, her best profile, etc. Pictures can never reflect the essence of the person, his charm or her bubbly personality. Selecting someone — or worse, discarding someone — based on a picture is silly. You have to meet the person to be able to decide if you are attracted or not. Plus, not knowing what the person looks like makes you more curious about the first date and it puts you in a better mental place”.

For the same reason, Jose Weber has to coach some clients into understanding that messaging or talking on the phone won’t give them any idea of whether a candidate is compatible with them or not. Again, only meeting in person allows you to get a clear idea. Preparing for that first encounter is part of the coaching done by Mr. Weber.

Mr. Weber’s coaching is based mostly on his many years of experience and on his acute sense of what each client needs to do to best approach this new phase of his/her life. But sometimes the client’s needs is greater and requires a more specialized approach: in this case M. Weber will redirect the client towards a licensed coach who can do more “in depth” work. Simantov works with a few certified coaches, men and women, who speak several languages and can provide a variety of services.